A Different World

I just finished watching a TV show called "How to Get the Guy" on ABC. It's a "reality" type show that follows 4 different women in their quest to find "the one." Each woman fits nicely into your typical stereotype: the girl next door, the dreamer, the career girl, the party girl. I watched and as I did, I was just again reminded that I live in a totally different world than those women in San Francisco.

I case you did not know, I am single and a Christian. I don't rely on alcohol to enhance my personality or give me boldness when it come to meeting men. Typically, I don't meet men. You have to realize that I live in a town of about 25,000 people. I attend a church of about 350. I can count on one hand the number of "eligible" men that I know who I would consider dating. I don't go clubbing, I don't really have any outside interests that take me out of my general circle. Most of my friends are married except for 4-5 of them, of those 4-5, two are men who are very close friends and I don't date them, they are like brothers. I have a dilemma. What in the world would I do to meet a single, Godly, man with character and a love for the Lord?

Now, I am not sitting here pining away for a man. I am pretty successful on my own, but, I would be lying if I said I did not want to get married. I do want to be married. I have dabbled with E-Harmony. Actually an old roommate of mine met her husband on E-Harmony and she is a pretty down to earth person, so, hey, maybe it's not so bad. It just seems weird to me. I may try it again here soon. Who knows.

There are times when I long for marriage, for that relationship, that someone who is there, someone to do things with , have kids with. I'll go thru phases of being a little angry about being 34 years old and single. I did not count on this. I'll look around with my physical eyes and see no options, no chances out there. Panic will set in and I'll think, "Crap, I might as well get a few more cats and just embrace it." But, when I look with my spiritual eyes, I know in my Knower that God is faithful. He has put this desire in my heart and He is a good and generous Father who will not give me a snake when I ask for bread. So, I wait. I answer the questions at least 3-4 times a week of, "Are you dating anyone?" or "When are you going to get married?" or, "Do you think he's just gonna knock on your door?" (uh...yes) or "Are you a widow?" (funny story to that one, my BFF's daughter ask me that a few years ago, she was about 6 years old and my other BFF was living with me while she worked some stuff out with her husband and my friend's daughter asked if she and I were widows, pretty cute) One of my single friends sent this link to me a while back to give me an arsenal of answers to these questions, ‘Why aren’t you married yet?’

So, after watching that TV show, I found that I was thankful that I had a Father in heaven who's got my back. God is faithful and as long as I know that I'm good.

I Just Cannot Help Myself

So, I have spent the last few hours re-vamping my blog. I'm like a little kid, I cannot leave well enough alone. I am all about change, love change. So, here's the new look. It's more me than the last look.

Oh, Crap, What Did I Do?

Oh, crap, earlier, I was trying to add another site tracker to my blog. I added the code to the template and it also brought along a friend when I loaded it: a pop-up add!!! I hate those things and I did not want it on my blog. So, I go back to the template and thought I deleted the same code and I ended up deleting everything, without realizing it. What did I know, all the HTML stuff looks alike to me. I republished it and viewed it and...It was totally blank, just a white page!!! Oh Crap, it was gone, gone, gone. I had a panic moment and thought, well, I have wanted to change my blog anyway, so I shopped around, did not find anything that fit my fancy. I was thinking I did not want to have to remember everything on the thing. And then? I had a thought. I could just go back a few pages to a using the "back" button and? Glory, it was there, and it was ok.

I sat back and breathed.

I've talked before about losing 35 pounds, right? Well, in the last couple of weeks I have kind of stalled on the weight loss. I'm telling you, holiday weekends do that to me!! I cheat usually on the weekends, Sundays really. But for some reason on a holiday weekend, I just figure, what the heck. Well, I gained 4 pounds back and they have not come back off yet. So, yesterday I decided to pull out my dusty copy of "Yoga Booty Ballet" and put my lazy butt in some workout clothes and I exercised. Me: exercised. I don't know what has come over me this year. I am totally fixed on losing the 60ish pounds I've gained since college, gained without the help of having any children. (I say 60, but it's more like 70, crap, I cannot believe that!!!) I am fixed enough that I am exercising...In my living room. Yoga Booty Ballet. It's actually pretty fun and let me just tell you, yoga is hard. (I actually fast-forward thru the yoga part because I cannot do it and watch the TV at the same time) My booty hurts, my ballet hurts and my yoga hurts today!!! Back in February, I bought an elliptical trainer, thinking this will be great! I had never even been on one before. I was telling my friends about it for weeks. They would just look at me, eyebrows raised and slowly say, " Uh...ok?" So, I bought it, even put it together by myself. (yes, I am that kind of girl) Hopped on it and declared, "Crap, this is freaking hard!!" I had had visions of my sweaty svelte self going for hours on this thing. The first time I officially used it? 10 minutes!! After a couple of weeks, I actually hung a shirt on it to dry. So, within 4 weeks, I sold it on Ebay. At least the Yoga Booty Ballet did not cost $225.

I actually do know why I am actually successful this time around at losing weight. I'll have to share the amazing work that God has done in me this year some time when I have about an hour to sit down and type.

What Part of "Fetch" Don't You Understand?

Now, don't get me wrong, I love, love my dogs, Daisy and Doowee (see this post for an introduction: All Creatures...) They are absolutely wonderful, funny, demanding, frustrating, furry, sheddy and I love them. Now, Daisy, she's smart because she's a Sheltie, they are just really smart dogs. Doowee, he's smart, suprisingly so, it just takes him a while to learn something, but once he learns it, he's got it. Today, I left them inside, with Animal Planet on the television, as always, so they don't get bored or feel alone. (I always leave Animal Planet on for them, my roommate who is not exactly an animal lover, will even leave Animal Planet on for them. Ok, they are a little spoiled.) Anyway, so I left them inside today because it was so nasty hot here, 101 degrees hot. And, I don't want my furballs to overheat. I come home at lunch...wondering...open the door and see that Doowee has completely eaten up my roommate's flip-flops...beyond repair, way beyond repair. I scold Doowee, who is dutifully repentent, hangs his head because he KNOWS he did it. (Daisy does not do that kind of stuff, she's too sweet) Now, I have bragged to my friends about how good these dogs are, not destroying things and this is the second time in two months that Doowee has destroyed a pair of shoes, last time was my favorite squishy houseshoes.

Ok, now to reference the title. For some reason, since I got Daisy, random objects have ended up in my backyard. It's like the doggie angels are dropping toys from heaven for them. I'm talking chew toys, stuffed animals, soccer balls, whiffle balls, baseballs, a plastic bat, you name it, it's been in my backyard. I know that the neighbor's dogs and my dogs pass toys underneath the fence, how sweet is that? Anyway, since the arrival of the mysterious soccer ball, their favorite thing to do is chase the ball when I kick it. Here's how it goes: I let them outside, Daisy slowly walks out to where the ball is, looking back at me as she goes. If I just sit down, she sits in front of the soccer ball, staring at it, willing it to fling itself across the yard at breakneck speed, just so she can chase it. So, I walk over to the ball and stand behind it, aiming it across the yard. Daisy is ready, she can actually tell which direction I am going to kick it. She loves it. Doowee is there too, sitting between me and the ball barking at me. So, I rear back and kick the ball across the yard, flying over their heads and they ruuuunn after it. Next, I walk across the yard to where the ball landed and repeat the process, they can do this for hours. Here's what I don't get, they never bring the ball back. Never. Daisy used to fetch, but I have enabled her to just chase, without requiring her to bring it back. And Doowee, he's just happy to be there.

I don't have children to tell stories on, so I tell stories about my dogs. I love them and they are such fun for me. I can't really explain it, but I can go to sleep better if one of them is laying on my feet or legs. It just calms me down. If you want to know more about them, here's their Dogster Pages:

Daisy

Doowee (I could not put the link in for doowee, but you can get there from Daisy's page)

Added later: Ok, so my dogs get to watch Animal Planet. This weekend I got to puppysit for my BFF and her little Yorkie, Minny. Now, this is a woman who just could not understand my love for my dogs a few years ago. Now? With this tiny little dog? Her and her husband have morphed into dog-loving fools. Minny arrived at my house Friday night, both of them brought her in. Minny even has her own diaper bag with a potty pad, at least 4-5 toys, leash, bowl of yogurt doggie treats that she only gets little bits of, bowl of tiny little food, doggie cologne and doggie breath mints. I love it, they have crossed over! Minny started Puppy Kindegarten on Monday, I heard it went well.

The First Fruits Lifestyle

I have this tool linked up to this website that let's me track how many people have read it, how they got here, etc. I was looking thru it today, at the referrals section that shows how someone ended up at my blog. Funny thing, there are like three referrals that came from someone searching for ways to make chin fat go away. (see this post: At What Point does the Chin Fat Go Away? ) I find it highly humorous that that is the search that got some random person reading my blog.

Today, I was home sick from work. I literally slept the entire day, woke up at 11:00am, back to sleep at 1:00pm until 4:00pm. Not very exciting, but very rewarding. For the past several weeks, I have had problems getting to sleep at night. I'll just lay there, ruminating over all kinds of things. It'll be 1:30 in the morning before I'll get to sleep. I think my illness today was a result of that loss of sleep.

Self esteem is a booger isn't it? I find that I go thru phases of having great self-esteem and then phases of "Oh my gosh, I suck" I'm not sure how to get into what it is I'd like to write about, so I'm just gonna dive in. My church has a value for a the concept of "First Fruits." My pastor did a teaching on this several years ago and it has become one of our staple values. The idea is that sure, we've always heard of the concept of first fruits when it came to tithing, right? Well, it goes deeper than that, more reaching. The concept is that in giving our first fruits in all things, we reap from it. Here I'd like to touch on the concept of living a "First Fruits" lifestyle. Now, I grew up in a denomination that strongly pushed "quiet times." This, in and of itself is not a bad deal. It's about spending quiet time with the Lord every morning. Well, in coming out of that denomination a few years ago, and coming out of a legalistic approach to God, I tend to shy away from things that feel legalistic. So, to me "quiet time" was more of a yoke, obligation, then it was about relationship. The idea of first fruits is very similar, but the approach is different. If we give the first part of our day to the Lord, the rest of the day is redeemed. It's the concept of sowing and reaping. If I sow to my relationship with the Lord, I will reap the fruits of it.

Now, I struggle with this concept. By nature, I am a pretty self-reliant woman. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is for me. In being self-reliant, I tend to take the steering wheel from God, and say, "Ok, I can handle this." In doing that, I totally rob myself of that intimate relationship with the Lord that is my greatest desire. I am torn as to why the thing I desire the most is the biggest struggle in my life. If I adapted this lifestyle, for more than one week, or a few days, I know that my relationship with the Lord would be incredible and He would be so real to me. I know this because it is a principle of God, if you sow something, you will reap it. It's as simple as that. If I sow to my relationship with God, I will reap from it. If I sow to my job, I'll reap from it. If I sow to my self, I will reap from it. (and not in a good way) The more I sow to my own self-reliance, the more it becomes a struggle for me to give up that reliance, you see.

So, I am trying to get this going. For it to be a lifestyle, not a yoke or obligation, but a desire.

Chariots of Fire, I am not

I've mentioned a couple of times about my character defect of not finishing things. I thought I would expound on that a little. Let me just tell you. I have many dreams, I dream of being things, but not becoming things. I'd like to be a doctor, I just don't want to become a doctor. I'm the type of woman who can pretty much do something if it needs to be done. I can change a tire, I just don't like to, it's just good to know that I can. I can do minor repairs around my little house, I just don't really like to. I love to have a beautiful yard, I just don't want to mow it, that's why there are lawn services out there.

There are many things out there that I have learned how to do, just to learn. Here's a few examples:
1. Cake decorating: My BFF and I decided we wanted to learn how to decorate cakes, make roses, flowers, write pretty with icing on cakes. So, we went to a class at Hobby Lobby and I learned how to decorate cakes. I can make a rose, make pretty borders, in general make a decent looking cake. I had a cake this year at our annual cake auction at church that was sold for $400. Cool huh? Well, after I conquered this skill I started getting calls from friends wanting me to make their children's birthday cakes. At this point, I had decided that decorating cakes was cool, but it made a gigantic mess, lots of cleaning little icing tips, making all the different colored icing, lots of stuff like that. I don't like little stuff like that. See, I like the idea of it, but the process is tedious, so I don't really decorate cakes anymore. However, my BFF? She now does it for a living, was the head decorator at a high-end grocery, she is amazing at it. Me, I have icing tips rusting in a bowl next to my sink.

2. Knitting/crocheting: For years, I wanted to learn how to knit. I could imagine myself sitting watching TV, knitting wonderfully beautiful sweaters, scarves. So, I bought some books, and learned the basics. I then cornered a lady at work who knows how to do all those things. I learned, one Christmas, I knitted 6 scarves for my neices, (I have 11 neices and nephews from two brothers, one brother has 7 kids!!) Then, I wanted to learn how to crochet, I did. I can do it. I made one cotton washcloth over spring break a couple of years ago. My other BFF? She learned to crochet when I did. She now crochets baby blankets, hats, scarves, afgans, etc. Me, I have a basket full of at least 12 different yarns, 5 sets of knitting needles, books and other various yarn type accessories sitting in a basket, in my living room under my TV.

3. My home: I love my house. I told myself when I graduated college that if I was single when I turned 30, that I would buy a house. So, I did. It was built in 1937, it's really cute. Before I moved in my friends helped me paint the kitchen, that was in 2002. I still have cabinet doors where the front of the door is painted, but the back is not. I started painting the trim in my hallway on New Year's Day this year...still not done. I am looking at a louvered door right now where the sides are painted, but I just could not bring myself to paint those stinking louvers!!! My front door is this heavy wooden door with the original lockset on it. The day I signed the papers on the house, the doorknob snapped in two. Now, this is not the type of doorknob you just run out and replace, the little pin that connects the two knobs is "special" and I think I am going to have to get one made to replace it. So, for 4 years, I have lived with no doorknob on my front door.

4. HTML: When I discovered the world of blogs, I convinced myself that I would teach myself HTML. That Sunday at church, they asked if anyone was interested in working on the church webpage. I bravely told our pastor after services that I was learning HTML and would do the webpage. Well, not so much. It's so confusing. I've learned little things, colors, copying source code, playing around with it. I'm just hoping that my pastor won't call me up expecting great things.

My roommate calls me Martha Stewart because I can tie a pretty bow on a present, or make a slipcover for a chair, or, hang pictures on a wall, bake a great cake...etc. I, on the other hand, know me. I'm just glad you all cannot see into this spare bedroom I am sitting in right now, I don't mind washing laundry, I just have an aversion to putting it away. I went out and bought a twin-sized bed for this room...so I would have somewhere to throw my clean clothes. (It's piled up behind me right now...I dig for clothes each morning) So, I have deemed myself: The Lazy Man's Martha Stewart. That's me.

Physics is working against me

Here's the deal, I have found out that I am a little insecure about writing this blog. I have started second-guessing myself and figured that my life was a little boring. But, again with the character-defect of not finishing stuff that I start, I am here, pushing thru.

So, this past weekend was Memorial Day, had the day off, did not do squat. Stayed on the couch, watched a few movies, saw my dad. That's about it. I did learn that my sweet dog Daisy cannot tolerate corn on the cob. I went to the store to get a few things and they had corn on the cob on sale, it was pretty, still in the husks, so I bought a couple. I go home, cook it up, munch it down in the most un-girl like manner. (I later found a kernel glued to my cheek, like 2 hours later) I took the leftover cobs out to my pooches. They gobbled them down, cob and all. Later, while I was watching a movie, Daisy starts pacing...Looking worried...Looking at me, pleadingly...Then she did it: threw up corn, on the floor (of course on the floor, where else would she throw up?) Poor baby. She was just embarrassed, hung her little head down and ran off. So, note to self: no corn on the cob for Daisy, she get's rice crispy treats instead.

I am now down 35 pounds. I started in January 2006, have gone down almost 2 sizes. I am pumped about this. So I go to buy clothes over the weekend and actually started crying in the Target dressing room, not for my usual reasons, but because the clothes fit and looked really good! I am sure the ladies in there were a little worried. I just could not believe it. I was so excited with the little outfit I had on, city shorts, the long shorts you can wear to work. (I swear, I read an article about it in the New York Times Fashion section) a frilly, lacy cottony top (that I did not buy because it was sleeveless, not ready for that just yet) I looked really good. Shorts! I have not wore shorts in years, I wore them to work today with my cute new pair of black pointy toe heels.

The original intent of shopping over the weekend was to find a bathing suit. I actually don't remember when I bought the suit I currently have, let's just say that it had to be at least 5-6 years ago. So, I need a new one right, my boobs are falling out of the old one. I must have tried on 15 suits at Target. For some reason, this year 99% of the swimsuits out there are halter style with absolutely NO boob support. I looked like a 70 year old woman with something to prove in those suits...Not suitable for public viewing. I actually laughed out loud in the Target dressing room during this episode.(Yes, the dressing room was the source of my many mood swings on Saturday, I should have to carry a note from a doctor to give to the attendant: Warning, likely to go off at any minute) I ended up getting one a TJ Maxx (love, love that store) I went swimming in it on Saturday...still with the boobs falling out...AAHHGG!!! A work friend's daughter works at Lane Bryant and she measured me for a bra last week...36DD, try putting those in a halter swimsuit!! Physics are working against me.